In our previous discussions, I examined how culture has redefined identity, turning it into something deeply personal, fluid, and self-constructed. We looked at five questions that can bring clarity to how we think about our identity. In my last post, I also examined the philosophical influencers largely responsible for the confluence ideas today. This mindset, known as expressive individualism, prioritizes personal desires, self-fulfillment, and internal feelings above traditional values and community-centered commitments. Today, we’re taking a closer look at how this philosophy has crept into our everyday lives—shaping not only society but also subtly shifting our personal lives, family dynamics, and even our church communities.
You Have Been Influenced
It’s hard to admit, but you’ve been influenced. It can be difficult to notice, let alone acknowledge, just how much influence culture has on us. Sometimes, it’s not the big changes but the subtle ones that shape us most profoundly. Have you ever wondered why so many marriages dissolve over “unfulfilled” desires, or why personal satisfaction often takes precedence over responsibilities at home, work, or church? In our world, personal happiness and authenticity are seen as paramount—even when they contradict long-standing commitments or values.
The culture around us has a way of shaping our desires, priorities, and decisions more than we realize. Look around and you’ll see it everywhere. Spouses calling it quits on their marriages, not because of catastrophic failures, but because they’ve been “denying their feelings for too long.” We hear the mantra repeated: “You deserve to be happy. You have to follow your heart.” But at what cost?
Spouses, Kids, and Image
One story in particular comes to mind. I knew a couple who seemed to have it all together—raising their kids, serving the congregation, living a life that looked outwardly Christlike. But beneath the surface, a subtle shift was taking place. The husband, after years of feeling unfulfilled, began to believe that he had sacrificed too much of himself. He longed to pursue a dream of a better job and more exciting woman he had put on hold for years. What followed was a heartbreaking chain of events. He left to “find himself” and began to prioritize his own happiness over the family’s stability. The once-vibrant home became a fractured echo of its former self.
This isn’t just an isolated case. Parents today, driven by the need for self-actualization, often neglect their children in pursuit of personal fulfillment. You’ve probably seen it yourself—parents working multiple jobs or prioritizing personal ambitions over family time, all in the name of “happiness.” We’ve heard the stories of women who sacrifice family time to build their careers, while others sacrifice time with their spouses and children to pursue hobbies or self-focused goals. But what happens to the next generation when kids are raised by a culture that says self-fulfillment is more important than family responsibility?
As this focus on self-fulfillment seeps into the family, it’s no surprise that it has also made its way into the church. The same desire to prioritize personal ambitions over family is leading many Christians to quietly drift away from their church communities. Instead of being rooted in fellowship and accountability, personal pursuits have begun to take precedence over gathering with other believers. At first blush, it can seem like this is an “out there” problem, not something affecting us few and faithful. However, even conservatives have not escaped the pervasive influence of expressive individualism. Here are 9 ways expressive individualism might be affecting your life without you even realizing it.”
You’ve been influenced by expressive individualism if…..
- You See Relationships as Transactional
You’ve started viewing relationships through the lens of self-benefit rather than biblical love and service. This shows up when you withdraw from friendships, church communities, or even marriages that no longer “serve” your personal growth or happiness. Instead of staying committed out of covenantal love, you treat relationships as conditional, based on what you can get, rather than what you’re called to give. Friendships become transactional, church involvement optional, and family life negotiable. - You Prioritize Personal Spiritual Experiences Over the Body of Christ
You might notice that personal, emotionally satisfying spiritual practices have taken precedence over corporate worship and fellowship. Regular church attendance is often sidelined in favor of individual spirituality. You elevate personal experiences over accountability, service, and mutual encouragement, subtly shifting from a communal faith to an isolated, self-focused one. - You’ve Redefined Sin Based on Your Preferences
You adapt your theology to fit your lifestyle, picking and choosing doctrines or commands that align with your personal desires while ignoring the more challenging aspects of discipleship. Rather than conforming your life to biblical truth, you redefine sin in a way that accommodates convenience and comfort. - You Treat Faith Like a Buffet
Your approach to faith has become selective—you take what you like and leave what challenges you. You focus on doctrines and teachings that align with your desires, avoiding the difficult parts of Scripture that call for self-sacrifice and obedience. This approach reflects the culture’s influence, where faith is reshaped to fit personal preferences. - You Justify Disobedience by Saying “God Just Wants Me to Be Happy”
You’ve rationalized disobedience or compromised on biblical teachings by using personal happiness as the ultimate marker of success. Statements like “God just wants me to be happy” become a justification for actions that go against God’s Word. When personal happiness is prioritized, difficult but biblically grounded actions like forgiveness, perseverance, or sacrificial service are often neglected. - You Take Offense Easily and Feel Rejected When Someone Disagrees
In a culture that elevates feelings and inner thoughts as the most important aspect of identity, any disagreement feels like a personal rejection. If someone disagrees with your ideas, it’s not just your ideas they’re rejecting—it feels like they’re rejecting you as a person. This can lead to feeling isolated, hurt, or rejected when others don’t affirm you or agree with your perspective. - You Prioritize Personal Fulfillment Over Family Responsibility
Whether through work, hobbies, or personal goals, you might find yourself prioritizing self-actualization over your responsibilities as a parent or spouse. Stories of people neglecting family time in pursuit of career ambitions or self-focused goals are becoming increasingly common. But what happens to the next generation when self-fulfillment is more important than family responsibility? - You Quiet-Quitting the Church
The same desire to pursue personal ambitions over family has crept into the church. You might find yourself drifting away from the community of believers, quietly quitting the church while seeking fulfillment elsewhere. What used to be a priority—gathering with the saints, worshiping God, and being accountable—has been replaced by personal projects, social media, or simply “me time.” - You Prioritize Happiness Over Obedience
Personal happiness has become the ultimate goal. This mindset leads to compromising on biblical teachings, with the belief that as long as you’re happy, you’re on the right path. But when feelings of happiness take precedence, the call to holiness—persevering in trials, forgiving others, or serving sacrificially—can be easily sidelined.
You’ve been influenced. I’ve been influenced. We’re all ultimately children of our culture. And it’s time we recognize it. The subtle influence of expressive individualism is felt in ways we never expected. From treating relationships as transactional to prioritizing self-fulfillment over family, and even quietly drifting from church commitments, each choice reveals just how deeply the cultural focus on self-fulfillment and authenticity has taken root. The desire to be happy or follow one’s own path is a well-trodden path promising success and human flourishing, but its destination is actually broken commitments, strained family bonds, and a diluted sense of community. In the next post, I want to transition to what God says about our identity. We’ll learn about human identity according to our Creator, learning how embracing who God made us to be truly leads to real flourishing and frees us from the confusion and pressure of constantly re-creating ourselves according to the shifting values of our culture.